Friday, December 30, 2005

Follow-up on the sinks

Only one trip to Lowe's and 45 minutes later: No drips
Oh Yeah!
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Thursday, December 29, 2005

Drip, Drip, Drip

What is the likelihood of a house with three sinks to have three faucets start dripping at the same time? With that kind of luck, I should go out an buy lottery tickets instead of seats & springs. But with the luck I actually have, if I did that I would spend the same amount of money, but still have the ever-present sound of dripping (which drives me crazy very quickly).
Lowe's .... here I come!
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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

I haven't said yes or even maybe, but ...

I was just invited to join up with the Amputees Across America trip being planned for this summer. For those of you who remember the possible trans-Atlantic rowing trip (posts 1 & 2) will be glad to hear that I didn't get to far down that road, because I haven't heard anything from the team captain in months, and that venture looks like a bust. However, Amputees Across America is an almost yearly trek, and one that has been completed by an amputee that my surgeon got me in contact with prior to my amputation.

I have already been looking at the itinerary and realize I won't be able to make a commitment for the entire trip, but they plan to be in Oklahoma City on Hope's bday, and have scheduled a day of visitation the following day. I will look into possible sponsorship from the Barr Foundation (the foundation behind the website) and a few others.

I will be approaching this opportunity a lot slower than the rowing one, that's for sure.
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Saturday, December 24, 2005

To " You & yours" from "Me & Mine"

Merry Christmas !!!

(Please don't forget the reason for the season)

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Friday, December 23, 2005

I don't think I'll get this job

Click on image for better view

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Thursday, December 22, 2005

Scott Adams hits too close to home at times


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YEAR: 1981
1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

YEAR: 2005
1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

In the future, if Prince Charles decides to remarry,
SOMEbody please warn the Pope!!!

18Jan2006 Note: Looks like I should have confirmed my sources prior to posting this. No pope in died in 1981. Pope John Paul was shot in 1981, but he lived to a ripe old age. Thanks to Pat for pointing it out to me!
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Monday, December 19, 2005

Just some amputee humor to share:

I would like to wish everyone a Merry Cripmas & a Hoppy New Year!
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Saturday, December 17, 2005

This arrest brought to you by ...

The city council in Oxnard, Calif., has approved a plan to allow advertising space to be sold on city police cars. "We think the public safety vehicle could attract a lot of attention for businesses," the police chief said. Fees for ad space would help pay for the cars. A local newspaper made fun of the plan by suggesting the cars could display the slogan for Taco Bell: "Make a run for the border." (AP)

Hey Brent .... you think that maybe they could get WonderBra to sponsor some of the smaller busts.?
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005


Xmastree3This is a Christmas tree.
It is not a Hanukkah bush,
it is not an Allah plant,
it is not a Holiday hedge.
It is a Christmas tree.

Say it... CHRISTmas , CHRISTmas , CHRISTmas

Yes. CHRISTmas - celebrating the Birth of Jesus Christ!!!!

If this offends you ... too bad ... Get over it.
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

There's a sucker born every minute...

While it has been reported that PT Barnum coined that wonderful phrase, whoever did was entirely correct. Below is proof by way of links to recent Ebay auctions where buyers were to greedy to realize what they were actually bidding on.

Here is a buyer the bid $810 for an empty Xbox 360 box! The very first paragraph of the advertisement reads:
This is the PREMIUM BUNDLE BOX only. It would include bonus accessories, if it were the actual PREMIUM XBOX 360! DOES NOT Come with 20GB Hard Drive, Console, HD Cables, Wireless Controller, Headset! In other words for those of you who do not understand, YES YOU ARE GETTING AN EMPTY BOX SO DO NOT ASK! Great for gags! DO NOT bid if you don't intend to buy! No excuses, I will not retract bids for you! You will be reported to eBay if you backout after winning the auction. I Cannot be more clear!
Visit the actual page by clicking on the image:

And this extremely bright buyer purchased a 4x6 photograph of an Xbox 360 for a mere $715!. While this ad is a little more secretive in it's method, the opening statement of the description, written in red, is:
Please read this auction carefully, and do not bid on this item unless you are serious
about buying it. Don't end up hassling me, and more importantly, hassling yourself!.
In the middle of the following paragraph is
It's sold out everywhere. Every store, including Best Buy, CompUSA, Circuit City, EBgames, and Walmart, is sold out of this newest craze, which would explain why Ebay is now the hottest place to get it! Why not remember this craze with a picture? Up for auction is a 4x6 photograph of the brand-new Microsoft Xbox 360. As a matter of fact, we'll even send this item to you overnight. And you know what's the kicker? We'll give it to you overnight for FREE!
View this wonderful opportunity here:

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Holiday Greetings to you

I wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting to my friends, but itis so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my attorney yesterday, and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, no addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere) and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: no trees were harmed in the sending of this message however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
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Monday, December 12, 2005

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Christmas Present

A man's wife has an artificial leg. Shortly before Christmas, he buys her a new prosthetic and hides it in the closet. Unfortunately, she finds it and confronts him with the artificial limb.

"This wouldn't, by any chance, be my Christmas present, would it?" she asks.

"No, of course not." responds her husband. "It's just a stocking stuffer."
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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Say it ain't so!

What do Walt Disney and A.A.Milne have in common today?  In all likelihood, they are both rolling over in their graves!

Inside-poohWhy?  Christopher Robin is being replaced by a “tomboyish” 6–year-old girl in the 2007 computer-generated series My Friends Tigger and Pooh.  Yes, you read that right, and can read it again here

Disney execs say the idea is to bring an older audience to an iconic franchise born when British author A.A. Milne began musing about the imaginary world of his son, Christopher Robin.  "We got raised eyebrows even in-house at first, but the feeling was these timeless characters really needed a breath of fresh air that only the introduction of someone new could provide," says Nancy Kanter of the Disney Channel.

As Wil Wheaton posted on his blog:
Uh, no. You stupid corporate jerk. Timeless characters do not need "a breath of fresh air" BECAUSE THEY ARE TIMELESS! What the #&*@ is wrong with you people? (be advised … there is swearing on his site … consider yourself warned)

Disney's Kanter says the new cartoon represents not an abandonment of an old, familiar world, but rather an alternate universe for Pooh and his crew.  "Christopher Robin is still out there in the woods, playing," she says. "We hope people will fall for this new tomboyish girl. The last thing we want to be is the ones who brought the franchise down."

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Juggling Boy


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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Error - You have spent too much time on the net

Click on the image to visit the page
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Pin-prayerConvicted forger A. Schiller was serving his time in Sing Sing prison in the late 1800s when guards found him dead in his cell. On his body they found seven regular straight pins whose heads measured the typical 47/1000ths of an inch or 1.17 millimeters in diameter. Under 500 magnification it was found that the tiny etchings seen on the heads of the pins were the words to The Lord's Prayer, which is 65 words and 254 letters long. Of the seven pins, six were silver and one was gold - the gold pin's prayer was flawless and a true masterpiece. Schiller had spent the last 25 years of his life creating the pins, using a tool too small to be seen by the naked eye. It is estimated that it took 1,863 sepatate carving strokes to make it. Schiller went blind because of his artwork.
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Thursday, December 01, 2005

Bad Cop, No Doughnut!

A buddy of mine, a fellow amputee, related the following two days of activities to me yesterday. It was such a great story, I had to share it with all my faithful readers (both of you):

List of characters:
MB: My Buddy
DC: Dumb Cop
Judge: Judge (a judge? this should be good!)

I received this message from MB Tuesday:
Well yesterday I had to work my part time job at a local mall. We all know, this time of year, parking is bad at any mall. Well, yesterday the only spot open was handicap, and I took it. I put my little blue card up. I was getting out of my car, when the local police asked me why I was parking there.
I just told him that I legally could. He asked for my ID, and ran the normal check. Yes, it came back with a clean record. (don't say it.) He then claimed it was not my permit, I just showed him my leg and told him the state of Michigan says I can park there. If he still had a problem, write the ticket and get ready to have fun in court.
Guess what, I came out 4 hours later, and there was a $100.00 ticket on my car. So tomorrow, on my day off, I am going to have my fun in court!
I got this from him yesterday, after he returned from court:
When I arrived, they asked me to come back on the date written on the ticket. I told them I would not be in town. (A small lie, but I was not under oath!) The Judge had the Police Department called, and asked for the Officer to come to his court with the video type.

An hour and half later he shows up. He explained to the Judge, I first went through a red light, then parked in a handicap spot, and that I was not handicapped. We watched the tape showing me making my turn, under a green light. Because of the way he was behind me, the tape did not show me showing him my leg, or my parking card.

Judge: " Are you handicapped, according to the State of Michigan?"
MB: "Yes Sir" I took off my leg and set it on the table.
Judge: "Did you inform the officer"
MB: "Yes, I even showed him my leg"
Judge: "Do you have a handicap plate, or card"
MB: "Yes Sir, I do." I showed the judge my card

Judge: "Officer, the video shows you had no reason to come in contact with MB. MB is, according to every State I have visited, handicap. I am tossing this ticket out. I am Fining the city for this courts time. Further, Not only will you apologize to MB, I am directing a formal apology from the Police Chief and the City, be given in a public forum, within 15 days, from today.
How great would it be to be a fly on the wall when the chief found out about this and had a 'counseling' session with the officer?

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I'm still around...

... just so busy I haven't have a moment to make an entry recently (this one doesn't count)
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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Not original, but something to share (a day early):

'Twas The Night Of Thanksgiving, But I Couldn't Sleep.
I Tried Counting Backwards, I Tried Counting Sheep.
The Leftovers Beckoned - The Dark Meat And White
But I Fought The Temptation With All Of My Might.

Tossing And Turning With Anticipation
The Thought Of A Snack Became Infatuation
So I Raced To The Kitchen, Flung Open The Door
And Gazed At The Fridge, Full Of Goodies Galore.

I Gobbled Up Turkey And Buttered Potatoes,
Pickles And Carrots, Beans And Tomatoes
I Felt Myself Swelling So Plump And So Round,
'til All Of A Sudden, I Rose Off The Ground.

I Crashed Through The Ceiling, Floating Into The Sky
With A Mouthful Of Pudding And A Handful Of Pie.
But, I Managed To Yell As I Soared Past The Trees....
Happy Eating To All -- Pass The Cranberries, Please.

May your stuffing be tasty; May your turkey be plump,
May your taters 'n gravy have nary a lump,
May your yams be delicious, May your pies take the prize,
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.
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Saturday, November 19, 2005

I suprised even myself!

And this was without the assistance of Google

The Stupid Quiz said I am "Totally Smart!" How stupid are you? Click here to find out!
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Found via CripHumor

Stumbled across CripHumor recently and thought I would share a few jewels:

Gimper Fi ,,,, The Few. The Proud. The Disabled.


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Monday, November 14, 2005

They may be old ... but so am I

A blogger I read daily recently changed his template quote to include an Emo Phillips quote. As such, I decided to google for additional quotes from this rather unusual character. Here is what I found:
  • A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  • How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
  • I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, "If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference."
  • I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me…
  • I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming ... They don't know I'm only using blanks.
  • I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
  • I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper
  • I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
  • I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"
  • I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
  • I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
  • New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.
  • People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"
  • Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
  • When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
  • When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
  • You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

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Thursday, November 10, 2005

Charlie Brown pathetic tree

Cb-treeUrban Outfitters is selling a replica of the "pathetic" Christmas tree Charlie Brown took home in A Charlie Brown Christmas:

The tree is an exact replica of the tree from the famous cartoon, made of wire branches and plastic needles with a criss cross wooden base. The bendable branches allow you to make it look just how you want, super pathetic or just kind of pathetic. The tree comes with one red Christmas ball ornament.

Looks like it is just waiting to have some presents put under it

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

With Veterans' Day approaching

1.  How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why?  
        21 steps. It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute, which is the highest honor given any military or foreign  dignitary. 

2. How long does he hesitate after his about face to begin his return walk and why? 
       21 seconds for the same reason as answer number 1 

3. Why are his gloves wet? 
       His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle.

4. Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time and if not, why not? 
       He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his  march across the path, he executes an about face and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder. 

5. How often are the guards changed? 
      Guards are changed every thirty minutes, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year. 

6. What are the physical traits of the guard limited to? 
      For a person to apply for guard duty at the tomb, he must be between 5' 10" and 6' 2" tall and his waist size cannot exceed 30."  After 9 months of service, the guard is given a wreath pin that is worn on their lapel signifying they served as guard of the tomb. There are over 500 that have been awarded.
       Every guard spends five hours a day getting his uniforms ready for guard duty.


For additional information:
Society of the Honor Guard
Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

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Monday, November 07, 2005

Technical Harassment

In our complex technical environment there are many opportunities for a competent technical individual to be the subject of technical harassment. Sometimes it can be so subtle that you may not even be aware you are being harassed. Worse yet, you may inadvertently technically harass another person by accident.
    Following are some guidelines to help you determine if you are being technically harassed:
  • If you are repeatedly asked the same technical question, you may be the victim of technical harassment. While it is most common to be asked the question repeatedly within the same conversation, some instances have been identified of habitual technical harassment. Habitual technical harassment is not uncommon and has been known to exhibit group tendencies where members of a group may ask the same question repeatedly. Untreated, these instances of group technical harassment can continue for years.
  • If you are asked a technical question by a non-technical person and they do not write your answer down it is likely the question is frivolous. Most non-technical people are not capable of remembering a true technical answer for more than 30 seconds.
  • If you are forced into a discussion where a person uses more than three (3) buzzwords in one sentence the person is most likely a fake and you are the unwitting victim of technical harassment. One note of caution, competent technical people have been known to inadvertently use buzzwords after reading mindless drivel like PC Week or LAN Times. If the person has been known to use more common technical terms in the past such as "stuff" and "things", they are most likely victim of computer magazine brainwashing.
  • If during a troubleshooting session a person uses the term "trick". For example "maybe we could trick the database into thinking it has been updated". This is a sure sign of technical harassment.
  • If a person explains that a needed feature will be provided by a vendor and that person is nontechnical then you are at risk of being technically harassed. If you believe that person, you have definitely been technically harassed, if you don't believe them you have only been technically annoyed.
  • If when trying to resolve a technical problem with a product from a vendor and you are instructed to call the salesman that sold us the product you are being set up for technical harassment. It is a common reaction for a non-technical person when they have purchased technical equipment to call another non-technical person. The dialogue between two non-technical people usually provides some sense of comfort that they aren't the only ones who are confused.

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I received this in an email today and wanted to share:

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are encumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. If I came to your country, I would expect to have to learn your language.

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!
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Friday, October 28, 2005

Please help me decide

As some of my faithful readers (all three of you) know, I like to do some webmastering duties as a fun little side project.  I have jokingly said it is how I keep my sanity.  People have been telling me I need to venture out a little more, and market my services. If I am going to do that, I really need to have a logo or something, as a trademark.

I have put together a few possibles, and would like your input as well.  Please take a few minutes to review the following samples, then vote below. You will be able to provide comments after you have placed your vote - Commenting on the polling site is having problems, please return to this page and use the comment option below this post if you would like to share a comment.  Thanks in advance for your input!

Globe    Shake
Groucho    Tie
Atom    Lightbulb

Ron King Webdesign Logo
Which Logo do you prefer?
View Result
Free Web Polls

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Thursday, October 27, 2005

The King has the right idea

Click on image for a larger version

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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Were they african or european swallows?

STILLWATER, OK: As reported in the IT Announcements:
IT System Administrators have reported intermittent network connectivity for OSU-Stillwater due to power disruptions caused by migratory birds on high voltage power lines in the area. The connectivity disruptions have been occurring since approximately 23Oct2005. IT System Administrators have discussed the issue with OSU Physical Plant management, and have found that there is no viable prevention solution at this time. We appreciate the patience of the OSU community, and will gladly offer as much assistance as possible during these unavoidable outages. We apologize for any inconvenience.
complete report
Did I read that right? We are dropping connectivity to the internet because of birds?
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Just got a new rider mower


 I just found a really nice rider mower for sale on eBay and just barely got my bid on it under the wire.  I can’t wait for it to be delivered.

I was going to bid on the the two-seater, so my wife and I could spend some quality time together, but it had already sold … darn!
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Monday, October 24, 2005

If your HaloScan comments are having problems

A lot of the blogs I read use Haloscan for their comments. Many of them are reporting problems with Haloscan in the last 24 hours or so. Fix for HaloScan:
HaloScan is having a problem. If you go into Haloscan settings, click on the Beta Features, and turn off Enable Redirect in Spam Filters it should fix it. Appears to be a glitch in HaloScan but some techie posted a fix-it on the message boards. Seems to be working fine for me now.
I got this from Wil, who got it from Crooks & Liars, who got it from Jane, who found it on the HaloScan message board.
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Read Slowly

It may take a while for the light to shine, but you'll get them eventually!
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Control: A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.
Leftbank: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.
Misty: How golfers create divots.
Paradox: Two physicians.
Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.
Polarize: What penguins see with.
Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Relief: What trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.
Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.
Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official
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Saturday, October 22, 2005

What would you call them?

At a lecture on psychic phenomena in a Comparative Religions course, the instructor told about a woman who contacted police working on a missing persons case.

"She gave them eerily detailed instructions on where to find the body," the instructor said. "And in fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had described. Now, what would you call this type of person?"

While the rest of the class pondered the question, a sheriff's deputy taking the class raised his hand and replied, "A suspect."

I thought the above story was funny, so I did not check with Snopes to see if it was real!
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Friday, October 21, 2005

Murphy at his finest

The following 'laws' have been adopted from the all-inclusive "Murphy's Law"
  • Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy one.
  • Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
  • Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  • Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
  • Bath Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
  • Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
  • Law of the Result:When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
  • Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  • Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
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Saturday, October 15, 2005

Ain't it the truth? (but sad)

This teacher went into her classroom about fifteen minutes before the class was supposed to begin and caught a bunch of boys in a huddle on their knees in the corner of the room.

She demanded of them what they were doing, and one of them hollered back, "We're shooting craps."

She says, "Oh! Well, that's all right. I was afraid you were praying."
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Why didn't I market this?

HACKENSACK, N.J. -- Nice-Pak Products is Rockland County, N.Y., became a global manufacturing powerhouse by convincing people to wipe their hands. Now it's spotted a new market niche: convincing people to wipe their shopping carts.

Nice-Pak is pushing a new product -SaniCart- that is designed to remove salmonella, staphylococcus and other germs from shopping cart handles and kiddie seats.

The SaniCart wipe won "Best New Product" at the Food Marketing Institute trade show in 2004, and since then it's been selling at fever pitch.

"I've never seen any product take off like this," said John Luposello, product manager of Nice-Pak's food service division. The wipes are now in over 6,400 supermarkets, and the company sells about 10,000 cases of wipes each month.

Robert Wilson, general manager of the ShopRite supermarket in Fair Lawn, N.J. said the wipes have become so popular that he usually has to install a fresh 160-wipe canister every other day. Shoppers pull the free wipes out of the plastic tubs placed in metal stands at the store entrances.

"It gives them peace of mind," he said.
Link - SaniCart by Nice-Pak
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I bet this has actually happened before


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Fun sound clips from my favorite radio station...

In no particular order:
   Moron Star: mp3 - 60 seconds
   Dokia Cell Phone: mp3 - 62 seconds
   Thousand Foot Krunch: mp3 - 75 seconds
   Way to High (the Gas Price Song): mp3 - 2:25 minutes
   Flip Flops (DJ intros): mp3 - 3:23 minutes (all the DJs)
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Monday, October 10, 2005

Columbus Day 2005

I gave a full report this time last year, but I doubt a Columbus Day will ever pass that I don't think about my family's visit to Muskogee last year to see the Nina, a full size workign replica of one of the ships Christopher Columbus sailed to find the 'new world'.

Here is a link to last year's story: What a Saturday!!!!!
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Sunday, October 09, 2005

France elevates it security level

As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is "General Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert:
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides". The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdain" to "Dress in unform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels: "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose".

The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.
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Friday, October 07, 2005

Why all the advertising?

I have said in this blog before (see Sept 7 2005 post) that I didn't like attending a funeral for a child, but that didn't stop today's attendance of one. I really don't plan on sharing much about the service here, but I do have this to say:

How shameless does a funeral home have to be to advertise during the slideshow presentation of the deceased? At the end of the rotating presentation, the screen showed "this presentation made for the family of ... by Strode's Funeral Home" (questionable, but ok). The next slide presented the name of the funeral home, complete address and webpage info. I felt like I was at a movie theater before the previews begin, when the advertisement slideshow rolls. Do they really need to have that up there, every 6.5 minutes?

Then the kicker: during the actual service, while the deceased's picture was showing on the screen (for whole service), the funeral home's name was displayed in the lower left corner. What's next? Big magnetic signs on the side of the hearse and family car? How about NASCAR style suits with their name & logo across the chest? I understand a new funeral home has opened on the north side of town, but is that any reason to stoop to such questionable advertising practices?

Note: When the slide with all the info was shown the first time, several new little conversations started all over the place. I doubt the conversations were of a positive nature for the funeral home. IMHO
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Thursday, October 06, 2005

Sports Report

The morning of golf was a blast, if you don't consider the gale force winds at a frigid temperature ;-)

We met at Oaktree Country Club in Edmond, a very swanky spot (PGA level club), at 7am for a buffet breakfast. After eating, we all went to the pro shop to gather the rental clubs and the carts. Since we had a hour until tee-time, we split up and went to either the driving range or practice greens. At 9am, the teams were gathered together and we were advised we would have a shotgun start playing a modified best ball method. I was teamed up with the president of the company (I wonder how that happened?).

Our team was comprised of Jay (never played before), Brian (has played some), Dan (president, plays 3-4 times a month) and myself (haven't played since college ... 1989 for those who want to do the math). Turns out Dan wasn't having a good day, I think the cold was getting to him. Jay, the newbie, was getting a lot of good hits and I think my shot turned out to be 'best ball' about 35-40% of the time. Buffet lunch was served afterward, but I had to leave before all teams had returned to the club house. From what we were hearing from the other teams, our +8 game for the day may have made us the winning team. (I'll find out later)

I found out the entire story about the golf game today: David (the CTO) had already scheduled a Tech-Team 'retreat' for all tech employees from their three offices (OKC, Tulsa & Dallas). On Tuesday, David decided to invite me (no idea how I came into the picture) and cleared it with Dan. This morning while talking with Dan about how David invited me at the last minute, he said, "look around ... you are the only non-employee here, I'm glad you could make it". I told him how much I appreciated the offer and that I looked forward to the project with his company.

My primary objective for the day was not to embarrass myself, and I think I accomplished my goal.
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Wednesday, October 05, 2005

It's not a Kawasaki, it's a....

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Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Update on golf invitation

On the way home from work, I spoke with my primary contact with my vendor, the Vice President of the company. It turns out the CTO is, in essence, closing the entire technical branch Thursday morning to play golf with me. All the techs are going to be there, and I am the only customer invited. The CTO had mentioned he wanted me to meet the team I was going to working with on the project and he wasn't kidding.

Should this put more pressure on me???
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Me? A duffer?

You know the Document Imaging project I have been mentioning over the past few months? Well, the PO has been cut and we are going forward.

I just got a call from the CTO (Chief Technology Officer) for the vendor we are using and was invited to a little "get to know everyone" golf outing. I explained I didn't really play any, but he said none of the others did either, and that several would be chasing their wild shots all over the place. Since it is scheduled for the day after tomorrow, I had to check with my boss for such sort notice. I was advised that I could go, just burn a day of annual leave for it. While I've got enough leave to cover a month of Sundays (almost), I thought it cheap to have to burn a day of AL to go to a vendor sponsored event, that is designed for me to get to know everyone. But, if it will get me out of the office for a day ... it's worth it.

I am also out of the office tomorrow for training. Wow, two days in a row away from my desk. With my luck, all will be quiet (no big IT issues) and my absence won't be very noticeable. I kinda hope for a few fires to flare up ... ones that they would normally call me for, even though they don't fall within my job description (Ron's been around forever, he knows how to fix this). I have explained that there are issues that have been dumped back onto me that no one else knows how to resolve, and that we need some redundancy. Those statements have fallen on deaf ears.
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Last week it was a kitty, this week...


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Monday, October 03, 2005

Just being silly


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Sunday, October 02, 2005

test post

Brent, do you see this one?
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Friday, September 30, 2005

Watch Dog

Three posts in one day ... normally I would hold off for another day, but this one is too important

Family Watchdog website: If you want to see how close a sex offender lives to your house, go to this site and put your information in. It will show you a little house on the map and that is your address. When you click on one of the colored boxes it will bring up the persons photo and provide useful information about them. Scroll over to the right for a legend to explain the different color boxes. This website will give you the locations, names, employers, photos of sex offenders in your area.

This is interesting information ( I thought it might be a joke, but it isn't).....
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Soldiers still waiting for armor reimbursements

WASHINGTON - Nearly a year after Congress demanded action, the Pentagon has still failed to figure out a way to reimburse soldiers for body armor and equipment they purchased to better protect themselves while serving in Iraq.

Soldiers and their parents are still spending hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars for armor they say the military wont provide. One U.S. senator said Wednesday he will try again to force the Pentagon to obey the reimbursement law it opposed from the outset and has so far not implemented.

Sen. Christopher Dodd, D-Conn., said he will offer amendments to the defense appropriations bill working its way through Congress, to take the funding issue out of the hands of Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and give control to military unit commanders in the field.(more)

What's up with this? As much as they spend on everything else, they haven't figured out how to cut a check to cover the cost of what the Government should already be providing?
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Today in history

Brent, a blogger I read on a daily basis, has a "Today in Twisted History" entry in his sidebar, which I really like. However, I really don't care for the size of it, if it were to be on my blog. Last night I found a "Today in History" addon that allows for customization. I have added it to the sidebar, and will see how I like it over time.

I thought I would go ahead and add it to this entry as well, just for the idea that this entry will change on a daily basis.

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005

New sidebar category: Search my Blog

In case you are looking for a past entry, and don't feel like going to each and every previous month, use the new FreeFind search I put in the sidebar.

Need a search for your blog or other small site? Check them out. Its very easy to set up and easy to add to your pages and its free (up to 32MB). Perfect for bloggers!

Note for Blogspot users: To override some code that Blogger throws into your template, besides adding the code provided by, you will need to add the following to your template, just after the <head> tag:
      <meta name=FreeFind content="noRobotsTag">
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Aggies prepare for Rita (Texas A&M)

AggiesritaFortunately for the Houston/Galveston area Hurricane Rita weakened and veered north of it’s original projected path, but the Aggies in College Station were prepared if it came their way.

Loupot’s, the school bookstore, boarded up their windows in a fine example of Aggie Engineering. Aggie jokes don’t get much easier than this. (Click on image for larger version of the picture)

Just had a response from the bookstore:
      Our windows will not support the weight of plywood screwed into their frames - neither is there sufficient masonry wall surrounding them for an attachment. Therefore our contractor, suggested saving the store from a major cleanup and letting the glass go. It wasn’t a difficult decision to make!

Thank you for your interest,
Suzanne Pledger

I have no idea about it’s authenticity but it sure sounds like something an Aggie would say. They have a reason for everything.

 original story 

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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Showing off an audio-blog (subject added afterward)

this is an audio post - click to play

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I asked you not to tell me that!

There were so many ‘catch phrases’ from the old Get Smart television show, I really didn’t know which one to use for the subject line of this post.  Others could have been “Sorry about that Chief”, “And loving it!” or “Missed it by that much!”, just to name a few (a more complete list)

Maxwell SmartLOS ANGELES – Don Adams, the wry-voiced comedian who starred as the fumbling secret agent Maxwell Smart in the 1960s TV spoof of James Bond movies, “Get Smart”, died Sunday.  Though the comedian will forever be linked to the bumbling "Secret Agent 86", he is also known for suppling the voice for the children`s cartoon Inspector Gadget. He was 82.

There is no way I could let this post go without mentioning some of the wonderful gadgets thought up by the show personnel:

Shoe Phone (as well as dozens of other interesting phone items)
Cone of Silence (how many cubicles need this?)
Crutch gun (I could have used this in the past)
Periscope rain spout (which comment should I list?)

Obviously, I found a pretty good site for reliving some of the memories of the great old show.  If you enjoyed it long ago (or maybe from recent reruns), why don’t you check out

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Monday, September 26, 2005

Ever feel like this?

I am all about this on some days!
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Where's the dollar?

Three men check into a hotel. The room cost $30 so they each split the cost and pay $10 each. They go to the room.... In the meantime, the clerk realized he made a mistake and should have charged the 3 men $25 for the room. So he went to the room to give the me the $5 he owned them.

Before he knocked on the door, he thought to himself, "This is not going to work, three men and 5$ won't divide up right." So the man pocketed $2 and gave each man $1. So now, the men have paid $9 each or $27 for the room and the clerk has pocket $2.

$27 + $2 = $29...... Where's the other $1

The other dollar can be found in the first comment :-)
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Sunday, September 25, 2005

I am truly blessed!

This evening, while looking through various magazines in the mail, I saw a article title of "Dangers of Huffing". My interest was suddenly drawn to the article, thinking it would provide me me some 'ammo' to share with my 15 year old, the next time she huffed and rolled her eyes at some instruction from her mother or I. DOH! The article was referring to the criminal act of inhaling dangerous toxins, such as glue or paints.

I am blessed to have a daughter that I would instantly associate huffing with an attitude, instead of drug activity ... and this coming from an old cop who used to focus on alcohol and drug enforcement!
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Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Dilbert - My alter-ego


You know … this would be funny if it didn’t hit so close to home (er, work)
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Seen over at Law & Disorder

Brent, a good-ole-boy blogger in Iowa, posted the following “new reality poster” on his blog yesterday:

That made me pull out an old folder of posters called “Unmodivational Images” for a few laughs.  In honour of Brent, I have put those together in an online collage, which can be found at  This page will present the posters as thumbnail images, clicking on each one will open a new pop-up window with a larger resolution. 

Feel free to leave comments as to your favorites.
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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

The University of Oklahoma's new helmet design:


Note: I got this from my mom ... and she is a HUGE fan of OU!
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Monday, September 19, 2005

Green Light for training ... finally

On 14 July, I posted that training was about to commence. Over two months later, I finally got a green light for the training. All it took was a threat for the $509K project to turn into a $1.4M project as of the first of next month. Yes, you read that right, a difference of appox $900K, if we didn't get our act together and get our SNAFU paperwork off of high-center.

I should get my training dates on my calendar by the end of this week. It appears my cycle of "hurry up and wait" is about to roll back around to the "hurry up" side. It has been a long time in coming!
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Home page URL change

While will still get there, my new address should be bookmarked as While working on URL issue for Epic Adventure, I ran across a redirect service hosted by After taking some time to look up reviews comparing and (the actual host of, I believe to be a better solution for my needs.
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Friday, September 16, 2005

Reviewing my old blog entries

During lunch today, I spent a few minutes (translation: all of lunch) reviewing previous posts, starting from the beginning of my blogging days in Sept 2003. I was able to relive, through the posts, several emotions and memories.

While I am not asking you to review all my posts, I do challange all the bloggers out there to take some time and relive their past.

Side note: Isn't it amazing how the word blog has evolved into the English language?
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Thursday, September 15, 2005

New possible look

Here is a possible new look of my current website ....
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Background Randomizer

Made a few changes to the blog template today, primarily in the area of a background randomizer. The image that is in the lower right corner of your web browser (that used to always be a goldfish escaping from it's bowl) will now randomly selected from a variety of different images.

Images will be added to the rotation as I find interesting ones
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How true, how true

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Monday, September 12, 2005

Bravo God

Sarah&jamiBravo God is the is name of Jami Smith’s newest CD and last night was her CD release concert in Oklahoma City. 

Before I share about the concert, let me explain the importance of Jami Smith to my family.  Renee and Sarah went to a mother/daughter conference a few years back, and Jami Smith was the worship leader.  Sarah came back bubbling about Jami, and started into her guitar practicing with a renewed passion.  Sarah quickly collected all the CDs produced by Jami Smith she could find.  Several months later, Jami Smith filled in as worship leader where we were attending, and I arraigned for Sarah to get to talk to Jami for just a few minutes prior to one of the worship services.  Once Sarah got over her nervousness of talking to Jami Smith, all went well.  As Sarah walked away, it was as if she was floating on air.  Needless to say, Jami Smith is someone Sarah looks up to (and, as a father, I couldn’t think of a better role model). I don't travel much for my job, but when I am am on the road, my "travel CD" is about 40% Jami Smith ... without a doubt, Jami rocks!

For Sarah’s birthday a few months ago, I had arraigned for her to have lunch with Jami Smith in Oklahoma City.  At the last minute, Jami got sick and had to postpone the meeting.  Renee and I were heartbroken, but a few weeks later the plans were completed for a new date/time.  We tricked Sarah into a trip to OKC, saying that I was going to an Amputee Support Group meeting, and that we might go to Target afterward.  We got to Hideaway Pizza a few minutes before Jami was to arrive.  When I saw Jami about to enter, I walked over to the door and greeted her.  Sarah saw Jami Smith come in and wondered why I would go over to her.  I called Sarah over and said “Happy Birthday, you are having lunch with Jami Smith”.  I have never seen an expression like that in my entire life … one of combined suprise and excitement!  Without going into a lot of detail, let’s just say we (Renee and I) have heard a lot about Jami Smith since then.

Back to last night: We got to Crossings Community Church a few minutes after the doors were scheduled to open, and the place was already quite full.  Sarah and I found some good seats in the middle section and waited for the concert to start.  When Jami Smith came into the sanctuary, and sat in the front row of the left section, the crowd hushed for a few seconds, then started buzzing with private conversations.  Finally, the pastor of CCC walked up on the stage and introduced Jami.  In her ever-humble manner, Jami took the stage, thanked everyone, and started her concert rocking as only she can.  She shared how she wasn’t there to sell CDs, or even perform for us, she was there to glorify God and share with us what He wanted.  Without a doubt, the Holy Spirit was in that room.  (I didn’t take notes as to the set of songs she played, but there was a mixture of her ‘old-school stuff’, as well as her new songs).

She stopped for a moment about a third through the concert to talk about her new CD, not in an effort to promote it, but to explain small pieces of it.  Take for example, the title “Bravo God”.  She shared how her lead guitar player was playing around one day and she opened her bible (version: The Message, by Eugene H Peterson) to Psalm 29, which starts out:  A David psalm. Bravo, GOD, bravo! Gods and all angels shout, "Encore!" (read entire chapter).  Then she shared the song with us (here is a 30 second mp3 clip from her website: listen).

The concert, only about 90 minutes long, could have been twice or three times as long for both Sarah and I.  Afterwards, Sarah went and bought Jami’s two newest CDs, Bravo God and Hope of All the Earth and got in line for the autographs.  I was hoping that Jami would have a sharpie marker (I’ll explain later), but she didn’t.  As soon as Sarah got to the front of the line, Jami recognized her and asked how she was doing.  Sarah handed her a card that Renee had sent (thanking her for taking the time to have lunch with Sarah), and Jami asked about the family.  After signing Sarah’s CD insert, she posed for the picture above with Sarah.  As we left, Sarah was cloud nine again, not only because she had the newest Jami Smith CD, but because, as she put it, “Jami Smith remembered me!”.  I told Sarah that if Jami Smith had a sharpie pen, I would have had her autograph the socket of my prosthetic leg, right below my Tis Gar Plen logo.  She told me we had one in the car and off she ran to go get it. 

AutographAfter standing in line again, when we got to Jami, she was suprised we were still there and I said I had a weird autograph request.  I explained about my Tis Gar Plen logo, and how I have used it in ministry ways, and asked for her autograph below the logo.  At first she didn’t want to, saying “these things are expensive”, but I assured her it was alright.  After she signed it, she admitted that this was a first (she had never autographed a fake leg).  We said our good-byes again and headed back to Stillwater.

Side note: Sarah told me that one of the security guards near Jami Smith went bug-eyed when I removed my prosthetic leg.  What a hoot!

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Friday, September 09, 2005

Latest (and saddest) news about Epic Adventure

I thought I would share my latest event with Epic Adventure. The following message was just sent to my team captain:
Events this week, which I will elaborate on below, have made it to where I have to drop out as a primary rower on team Epic Adventure. I would still appreciate the opportunity of remaining closely associated with the team, by way of webmaster, research, sponsor chasing & media relations if needed.

Events this week (long story short):
---I was approached to possibly start up a new branch office for a very large company. If this happens, I wouldn't be able to leave as needed for the training/racing.
---I have been advised by my supervisor that if I leave for the training/racing, I will forfeit my planned work related training, which is valued at approx $25k. They would put in a junior team member to run my $500k project. I need that trng to leverage a higher salary, of write my own ticket else where.

I understand that I am giving up the possibility for me to promote the Ertl Procedure and Barr Foundation, as well as speak out for prosthetic parity rules/regs. However, this decision is not made lightly, but one made out needing to insure providing for my family.

As stated above, I am not looking to separate myself from the team, but just as a rowing member. I would consider it an honor to be in a supportive role for the team (see intro paragraph). I'm sure we will talk on the phone in the next few days, but I wanted to get this info to you as soon as possible, so that you can recruit for team member 4.

You know I wish you and the team all the best,

That had to be one of the toughest emails I have ever authored (that I can remember)
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Iowa Amputee Steals Prosthesis

DES MOINES, Iowa - A man test-fitting a $17,000 artificial leg ran off without paying the bill, police said.

The man visited Spectrum Prosthetics and Orthotics on Aug. 19 to be fitted for the prosthetic and "was allowed to take it for a couple hours to ensure that the fit was proper," a police report said. But the man didn't come back, Sgt. David Murillo said.

Todd Schweizer, one of the owners of the company, said employees had been working with the man for about a week. "We were trying to meet his needs," Schweizer said.

No one answered the door at an address left by the man, and calls to a cell phone number also were not answered, Detective Robert Lewis said. Company employees waited several days to report the theft because they may have believed he was coming back, Lewis said.
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Thursday, September 08, 2005

'Nuf Said!


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Monkeys for sale!

A tourist visiting New York City walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a police officer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a Patrol monkey, please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey. He fit it with a collar and leash and handed it to the officer saying, "That'll be $1,000." The officer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey is an expert in firing small arms, can write 20 tickets a week, and is certified in small unit tactics -- well worth the money!"

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a POST certified Technician Patrol monkey; it can instruct other monkeys in basic firearms skills, counter-terrorism training, physical training, small unit tactics, and investigative techniques, and it can even type. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a large cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $70,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a Sergeant."

To readers: POST: Police Officer Standards and Training
To Brent: If you are a Sergeant, then exchange Lieutenant for Sergeant above :-)
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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

When it rains, it pours

So, here I am spending a great deal of time (& mental energy) on Team Epic Adventure, including the sending of an official email to my boss about needing a leave of absence.

What happens today? First, I get an email out of the blue from our team captain (the guy who is the driving force behind the organization of everything regarding the team) advising he is having some serious issues (medically) with his leg. Same type of issues that resulted in a revision surgery in the not too distant past. From his description, it's not sounding good. So I start wondering about the likelihood of us actually racing. This is a perfect example of why I haven't 'firmed up' any of my personal sponsors (yep, that is plural).

Just after receiving that email, I get a phone call from Mr. X (identity protected ... he might be revealed in a future post) asking me to lunch. Lunch time rolls around and we meet at Crepe Myrtle, one of my favorite places in Stw, and the conversation starts off like this:
Mr X: Remember when I first got into town and you told me you weren't happy with your job?
Me: Yeah.
Mr X: You still looking around for a job?
Me: I always have my eyes open for opportunities.
Mr X: I told you I was thinking about opening an office in Stw, and I was wondering if you might want to run it (paraphrased)
The rest of lunch was spent talking about all the different items that the two of us could implement here in Stw.

If this new job opportunity actually pans out, the rowing won't be an option, as I would be organizing a new office and getting up to speed.

For those of you inclined to prayer, I wouldn't mind a few for discernment said on my behalf. Thanks in advance.....
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Tuesday, September 06, 2005

You might be a cop if:

  1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.
  2. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
  3. You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.
  4. Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change.
  5. You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal.
  6. You can identify a negative "tattoo to tooth" ratio just by looking at a person.
  7. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
  8. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
  9. You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.
  10. You believe that a "shallow gene pool" should be grounds for an arrest.
  11. You believe that the Government should require a permit to reproduce.
  12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, it sure is quiet around here".
  13. You believe that chocolate is a food group.
  14. You have wanted to hold a seminar on "Suicide, getting it right the first time.,
  15. You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid jury verdict.
  16. You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably.
  17. You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a particular bar.
  18. You believe the dispatcher is possessed.
  19. You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form.
  20. You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium salt lick.
  21. You have heard: "I have no idea how that got there," on more than a few occasions.
  22. You suddenly realize one night that you are patrolling the Twilight Zone.
  23. You correlate "two beers" with 0.15 BAC.
  24. You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car.
  25. You believe that it is a "good" death only if it involves overtime.

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Monday, September 05, 2005

Just a little humor....

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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Happy 10th 'Birthday', the premiere auction web site, was launched on Labor Day in 1995. Each day it is host to more than 2.5 million auctions, with 350,000 new items offered each day.
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Thursday, September 01, 2005

Tony Blair on America

This should be etched in stone someplace.
In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American sentiment and negativity about our government and its policies, we should remember England's Prime Minister, Tony Blair's words to his own people.

During a recent interview, Prime Minister Tony Blair of Great Britain was asked by one of his parliament members as to why he believes so much in America. And, does he think America is on the right track?

Blair's reply --
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out."
<accent:english> By jove, I think he's got it!!! </accent>

Sent via my Siemens SX66 device (which may explain why it is brief)
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More positive news regarding Epic Adventure

The meetings with the University officials went very well yesterday, to the point where I was told (by one very high ranking official), that if I received an answer of "no", I was to come and see him about it. He was very much behind the idea of me doing this. His statement was "there is no reason OSU should stand between you and this".

I also was able to line up my first potential private sponsor as well yesterday. I won't elaborate on that anymore until all is official, but it is a very sweet sponsorship! Regarding sponsorship: The team will have numerous sponsors as a whole, but individual team members will be encouraged to recruit some of their own, from their local areas. This is to help reduce the expenses of the individual team member, but to also promote more 'buzz' about the event. While we will look somewhat like a Nascar crew, with sponsor logos on the boat and uniforms, we should be able to post our private sponsors on our individual jackets. While I haven't decided the order of the posting (first onboard or largest sponsor on top), they will get recognized for their assistance, both on my uniform and my team bio page.

I have been asked if I will post my training/race entries on this blog or a team related blog. I haven't decided yet .. it may come down to a double posting. We'll just have to see how that goes as well.

More to follow.......
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Epic Adventure

Last Thursday, within half a day of my posting “Army of Ron”, I received an email that has the potential to change my life dramatically!

Without getting into all the minor details, I have been invited to possibly join Team Epic Adventure. At this point, the first question asked is: “Ok, what is special about this team?” First off, this team is composed of only disabled individuals (primarily Ertl amputees) and they are to begin training for a race that starts in New York City in June 2006. The finish “line” of the race willl be at a port in Falmouth, England … 3,100 nautical miles away. Yep, Epic Adventure is training for a Trans-Atlantic voyage, in a 29 foot vessel powered only by oars. In fact, this will be the first team comprised completely of disabled atheletes to attempt crossing the Atlantic in this method.

Safety was a key thought at the first mention of this event. The crossing will be done within a well organized race with 14 other boats. Each boat will have all the normal/required safety equipment, as well a small fleet of safety vessels following behind (at a reasonable distance) in case of any major emergency. However, once the 15 teams leave dock, they are to be totally self-contained, with no assistance provided fromany outside organization. That means all the supplies we start with will be all we have (yes, I am already using “we” and “us” when talking about it).

The following is from one of the letters being sent out to incourage corporate sponsorship:

This ultimate endurance challenge, a 3,100 nautical mile race, will leave New York in June 2006 and will arrive in Falmouth, England approximately 60 days later. Not satisfied with winning the race Epic Adventure will be attempting to break the record set by a Dutch crew in 2005 of 31 days. Being the first all amputee crew to even attempt this crossing we will generate mass amounts of public and media interest in our endeavor. This translates into greater exposure and higher revenues for your company.

What we are offering our Sponsors is constant exposure to a US and global market for over a year for less then the cost of a single 30 second national commercial spot. This will be accomplished through sponsor logo and product use/placement on the boat and apparel of the team during all media exposure, print and television interviews, both prior to, and after the race.

In addition to world media coverage, the Epic Adventure boat will provide at minimum daily photo/webcam updates. We will have internet access; webcam broadcast through our web site and are working on a bidirectional satellite system that will allow us live webcam broadcast 24/7 from sea, providing worldwide access and exposure 24/7.

Today I will be checking into the possibility of a “leave of absense” from the University. Wish me luck!

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Sunday, August 28, 2005

Today was not a good day driving.

Earlier today, while all of us where in the car, I got a green arrow to make a left turn across a very busy intersection. When I proceeded to make the turn, a guy in a mid 90's model Jeep Cherokee decided he was in a hurry and would run his red light. Needless to say, he had to stand his vehicle on it's front bumper to keep from impacting on Renee & Sarah's side of the car. By the end of the incident, the only thing between our vehicles was an extremely squished guardian angel! After leaving the intersection, I had to pull over for a few seconds to compose myself (those of you who really know me now realizes how close a call that must have been!).

A few hours later, while south bound on I-35, I was involved in a small, but quick game of "dodgeball". Let me set up the scene. I'm in the right lane, behind a white crew-cab Ford with rear dualies, which is behind an 18 wheeler. In the left lane, about midway between the Ford and I, is a dark colored four door sedan.

I have no idea what the semi drove over (but I saw it fly out to the left far enough to land in the median), but whatever it was slashed all four left rear wheels of the trailer. Just a few seconds later, very large shards of rubber started flying from where the tires were supposed to be. A few bounced of of the Ford, and the sedan started braking hard, as was I. My first swerve was to the right, to avoid a huge piece that bounced off the Ford's windshield, but then the Ford went to the shoulder, cutting me off (smoke was coming off his tires, as he had locked up his brakes). At this point, I am trying to determine the next possible moves of both the Ford and sedan, which is also braking ans sweerving, not to mention watching for more flying rubber. My next move was a swerve left, which put me somewhat behind the sedan. At this point, the sedan driver was put in a no-win situation: he had to decide which piece of flying rubber he wants to hit, because there was no way to avoid the next wave of tire treads. He did a good job, and almost missed all of the rubber, but one large piece clipped his passenger side mirror, which in turn became my next item to avoid. The mirror hit the ground once and then took an amazing bounce ..... about 6 feet in the air. Being our Honda is somewhat less than six feet high, I actually accelerated to pass under the mirror before it started down. By now, even though it is still daylight, visable sparks are flying from the rims of the semi, as they were grinding against the pavement . While that was a cool view (if you saw it on Cops or soething), it wasn't one I wanted to be around.

After it was all over, and all had come to a stop on the shoulder, the only damages turn out to be:
-The four destroyed tires and rims of the semi
-A few black marks and$ on the hood and roof of the Ford
-A missing passenger side mirror

I was lucky enough that my squished guardian angel fr& was still on duty and helped me through another situation that could have been very dangerous.

If I had been a cat today, I would have used about a third of my nine life.

Time to hit the post button and turn this thing off.

Sent via my SX66 device (which may explain why it is short)

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Friday, August 26, 2005

From the "What were they thinking" category:

From Infoxchange Australia:
Activities and Programs - Come and Try Boxing Morning
Source: Wesley Disability Support Southern RegionPosted: 19-8-2005
On Monday 5 September 2005, Connect South in conjunction with Leisure Balance and John Hoyne are hosting a Come and Try Boxing Morning for people who have an Acquired Brain Injury.
Link to complete event announcement
Thanks for the tip on this Ozzie!

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Thursday, August 25, 2005

A French commercial with a unique disability message

I have no idea what this commercial is actually saying, but I love the 'turn about" that is presented:

Request: If I have any French speaking readers, will you provide a translation for the commercial in a comment?       -Thanks in advance!
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Best pratical joke from ten years ago

When I discovered that yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the release of Windows 95, I was reminded of a 'geeky' practical joke from the days following the release. You need to remember that the entire user interface changed from Windows 3.1 to Windows 95, and several people were leery about the stability of the new operating system. I had one particular friend that loaded Win 95 on his PC on the day of the release ... and was showing it off to all who would walk past his workstation. I had played with the beta-release for a while on a backup PC, so I had already seen some of the new things you could do with it. This friend, being a support technician, was always rebuilding his computer, so I decided to play with him a little.

After he had the new Win95 install complete, and had loaded several programs, he decided to take a coffee break ... but failed to 'lock' his computer (he hadn't found that option yet). During his absence, I took a screen capture of his desktop, saved it as a bmp file and then set it to be his desktop wallpaper. While I couldn't get rid of the "My Computer" and "Recycle Bin" icons, all other icons were stored away in a different location on the PC. So, here sits the wallpaper, which appears to have numerous icons on it, but they are only images of the working icons. Coffee break is over and my buddy returns to his workstation. Double clicking on the 'icons' have no effect. He can't even select them to move them around. Only the "My Computer" and "Recycle Bin" are responding. Needless to say, he starts ranting about the new OS and how it is a piece of junk (only an hour prior it was the greatest thing since slice bread .. how soon they forget). What does he do before I can get over to his station and let him know about the joke? Formats the drive and starts a reload. He said he needed the practice anyways, since he was going to be helping with the roll out of the new OS. Well, if he wants the practice, I'll help him get it. Next day, coffee break, same thing. He returns, nothing responds, so he formats and rebuilds. He decides that the OS has a bug that has to do with 'extended times of inactivity'.

After a couple more days of this, I can't contain myself anymore, and explain to him how I am the 'bug', and exactly how he was duped. He took it in stride, and started to play the joke on a few of his geeky friends.

Oh, the memories.........
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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Army of Ron

The first Wednesday night of each fall semester (for the last 18 years) is "Lights on Stillwater", a time when local businesses, churches, organizations & just about any other group that wants to be there set up small booths to meet and greet the students. It was originally held on the OSU football field, under the stadium lights, hence the name 'Lights on Stillwater'. Being that the Athletic Department replaced the old astroturf several years ago, it changes venues almost annually. It is actually a fun activity, and one that you will see numerous people rekindling their friendships lost over the summer.

The US Army is one of the staples of those attending the function. When it was held on the football field, they would bring chin-up bars for the visitors to use. Now that they are more into their big marketing blitz, they have a true Hummer (not an H2) that appears to have been worked over by Xzibit and the rest of the "Pimp my Ride" gang, as well as an approx. 25-30 foot climbing wall. When I got there to help set up a booth for a friend, I think I actually heard the wall call my name (well, not really, but you know what I mean). We got there at 5:30 for setup and the function was to last until 10pm.

Around 9:30, Sarah and I walked around the parking lot and headed straight toward 'the wall'. Sarah asked if I was going to climb it, and I said 'sure'.

Point to remember: I am an amputee today due to a fall of approximately 12-15 feet ... from the side of a wall. In previous posts I have mentioned my being on a rock wall a few months after the amputation, but that was more of a traversing wall (only off the ground by about three feet, but you go across the wall). While I was never 'scared' of heights before my accident, they have effected me since then.

I went to the main table, signed the appropriate "if you get killed or maimed, you can't sue us" paperwork and proceeded to the wall. They suggested going barefoot, for better control on the small outcroppings. When I took off my right shoe, and my fake foot was viable, one of the Army guys said "what's that?" (I think he knew, but simply spoke without thinking ... a true trait of the Army). I asked if there were any problems with an amputee climbing and he replied "No Sir", as if I had been his old drill Sargent. After I was wearing the appropriate rigging, they got me on the wall before I could come to my senses (chicken out, in other words).

About halfway up, I lost my handhold and started to slip. The feeling was just like June 25, 2001 at 2:00 pm, but this time I was able to re-secure my grip. After a few seconds to compose myself, I finished the climb all the way to the top. Oh, what a feeling (no Toyota jokes please) New problem, how to get down. The instructions say "lean back and let go". Hummm, been there, done that, got the prosthetic foot to prove it.

I looked down to confirm the 'just let go' command. Yep, you're right, I shouldn't have looked down. It took a ton of confidence in that mechanical belay brake, but let go I did. Free fall was probably all of three feet before the belay brake activated, but it seemed like a lot more. After it activated, it was a smooth ride down.

I DID IT ... I killed (or at least wounded) my "height dragon"! Between the Pimp my Hummer (there are so many jokes in that statement, I won't even start) and the rock wall, the "Army of Ron" had a small victory!

I would like to extend my thanks to the US Army for this personal victory ... both to those state-side and those away from loved ones :-(

You know, I was trying to figure out how to work in the old "Be all that you can be" slogan, but then realized that might not be appropriate for an amputee. I guess I would have had to use "Be most that you can be". ;-)
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This day in history ... 1995

Win95Windows 95 (codename Chicago) was a hybrid 16-bit/32-bit graphical operating system which was released on August 24, 1995 by the Microsoft Corporation.

Windows 95 is a direct result of combining Microsoft's formerly separate MS-DOS and Windows products. Windows 95 is the first in that line without support for older, 16-bit x86 processors, thus requiring an Intel 80386 (or compatible) processor running in protected mode. It featured significant improvements to the graphical user interface (GUI) and underlying workings, including desktop and Start Menu, support for 256-character mixed-case long filenames and preemptively-multitasked protected-mode 32-bit applications.

The introduction of 32-bit file access in Windows for Workgroups 3.11 meant that 16-bit real mode MS-DOS was no longer used for managing the files while Windows was running, and the earlier introduction of the 32-bit disk access meant that PC BIOS wasn't used for managing hard disks. This essentially reduced MS-DOS to the role of a boot loader for the protected-mode Windows kernel. DOS could still be used for running old-style drivers for compatibility, but Microsoft discouraged using them, as this prevented proper multitasking and impaired system stability. The Control Panel allowed a user to see what MS-DOS components were still used by the system; optimal performance was achieved when they were all bypassed. The Windows kernel still used MS-DOS style real-mode interface calls in the so-called Safe mode, but this mode existed merely to allow a user to fix problems with loading native, protected-mode drivers.
Complete Wikipedia entry

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Clever vs Smart

Editor's note: Additional titles for this post could have been:
Testing in Production
Guilt by association

This is a fond(?) memory from several years back, from right after I took over the leadership of the Training and Office Automation team, of which Joe F (remember... one of my favorites) was a new member. Joe was working as my email postmaster, the duties of which are to provide solutions to questions posed by various email users on campus. The question of "how to best configure a rule in Lotus Notes to send an autoreply in response to a received message" was asked. I had no idea that the question had been posed to Joe, until....

Testing in Production:
Joe proceeded to create a new rule in his mail file that was supposed to reply to new messages. Within this message, he typed something to the effect of "For a good time visit http://....", with the URL of a personal website of wav files and celebrity photos he was running on a University system. Thinking that he would only receive a few test messages in the short amount of time the rule was running, he activated the rule. To make a long story short(er), let's just say the rule worked against all the mail in his account, including messages from a couple of listserv lists on campus. Yep ... Joe, in essence, spam the majority of the technical population with several "For a good time..." messages. Needless to say, after I got half a dozen of these messages, I called Joe to ask him what was going on. He was already in a huge firefighting mode attempting to douse the blaze he had started.

Guilt by association:
Needless to say, I was called in to visit my director and I was advised to bring "Joe in tow". When we entered, we sat across from the director's desk, and I planned to remain quiet during this session. Dan, the director, was really a cool guy, but he could get ugly when/if he needed to. Conversation when something like:
Dan: Ron, did you hire Joe to be your postmaster ... the guy who is supposed to be knowledgeable about how the email system works?
Me: Yes sir
Dan: Joe, you seem like a pretty bright guy, and I thought Ron's selection was a good one, but I am being to wonder about that decision.
Joe: I understand
Dan: Let me explain about the situation. We have reasons why we don't test ideas in production, and I think you see the reason for that now.
Joe: Yes sir
Dan: And if you have to test in production, there is a difference between being clever and smart. Let me explain. Smart would have been to put in the test message "I am currently testing a new rule in Lotus Notes, please disregard this message", whereas clever is putting anything like "For a good time.." in a test message. I won't even expand on the fact that it appears you are running a personal website on University equipment.
Joe: Yes sir .... and the web site has already been removed from that computer.
Dan: Good
Dan (to Ron): And you, don't think that I don't know that you have the ability to be a smart @$$ at times also, so I am lumping you into this "Smart vs Clever" talk as well
Ron: Yes Sir (but thinking, dang .... I'm getting slammed for Joe's mistake .. oh, well)
Dan: Do either of you have any questions about the concept of Clever vs Smart?
Ron & Joe (in unison): No sir
Joe: I was preparing an email message to send to all the identified people of my message this morning, explaining what happened and apologizing.
Dan: Delete the message ... don't send it. No use in adding any additional fuel to any fire that may be out there. If someone calls you, talk to them, but don't send out any more messages.
Joe: Yes sir
Dan: You guys probably need to get out of here, but I have some explaining to do to my boss now.
Ron and Joe (in unison): Yes sir
Joe (to Ron, after we left the office): Sorry
Ron: Hey, it wasn't near as bad as I expected. Just don't forget the difference between clever and smart
Joe: Don't worry, I don't think I will ever forget it

Needless to say, that "conversation" with Dan has had a lasting impression on both Joe and I since that day. We have often pointed out 'clever' actions we have observed others perform and commented on what would have been the 'smart' way to handle the situation.

I'm sure I'll get at least one comment to this post ... from Joe ... adding his (fond) memories of this day.

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