Tis Gar Plen

Posted by Ron at 11:15 PM
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Remember the guy getting tasered at the John Kerry speech?

Here is a little 'mash up' of that and MC Hammer:

 

Posted by Ron at 5:00 PM
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I am subscribed to humor mailing list.  The below story was recently received via that list:

 

Subject: Gas Pains
One Man's Good Fight

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented "You're definitely going to $h!t yourself" chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your a$$ cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No "Watson's Movement 2." Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning.

Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that "Uh oh, gotta go" pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. Mistake.

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things "clamped down", if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable "Oh my God", floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of "Shock and Awe." He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, "Sonofabitch!", then quickly left.

Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, "Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem."

That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!", then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store..

Posted by Ron at 7:41 AM
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Posted by Ron at 6:35 PM
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A device named the Mosquito has been developed that emits a shrill, piercing noise audible only to teens and young adults is being installed in various areas of the United States.  I wonder if I could get one for near my office.  I wouldn't leave it on all the time, just when the hall rats decide to stand outside my office door and have long, heated conversations about anything and everything on their cellphones.

 

For more information, see this CNN story

Posted by Ron at 7:46 AM
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Posted by Ron at 7:14 PM
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If you are not from Oklahoma, or never visited Oklahoma during stormy-weather seasons, this post really won't mean anything to you.  However, if you are from around here, you will understand the humor behind the Gary England Drinking Game. 

 

This isn't an original game invented by yours truly (me), as you can find it online several places like here, here, here & here (the last is my favorite due to the comments added within the game).  I will share the game here, and provide a few comments at the end, as to why certain pieces are personal favorites.

 

GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME:

Pregame

1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor*. Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser. Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground."

 

2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County**. Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county. Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.

 

One drink

1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:

"Hook echo" | "Updraft" | "Metro" | "Doppler radar" | "Wall cloud" | "Ranger 9" | "Underground" | "Mobile home"

2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.

3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.

     Take one drink if Gary says "You're not missing any of [program name]."

     Take one drink when Gary says "We'll keep you advised."

 

Two drinks

1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:

"Baseball-sized hail" | "Waterloo Road" | "Pottawatomie County" | "Deer Creek High School"

2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:

Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici | Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah

3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor.

 

Three drinks

1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.

2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.

3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:

"Immediate tornado precautions" | "National Weather Service" | "Mesocyclone" | "Portable Radio" | "Take shelter" | "Tornado warning in effect until ..."

Four drinks

1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel.

2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS or says the following:

"Will someone please answer that phone?" | "Do you see power flashes?"

3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.

 

Finish your drink

1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the nearest cross streets to you.

2. If Gary says "We've lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink.

===============================================

 

Comments:

* Val Castor lives in my hometown.  Sarah has been babysitting for him lately when he and his wife go "storm chasing".  Yesterday was a long day for them.

** Pottawatomie County is where Renee grew up.  They are very used to hearing Gary England mention their county and home-town.

 

Believe me, if you play this game to its fullest, it is a good thing that one of the safest places to be during a tornado is a bathroom .... as your bladder will be filling quite rapidly!

 

Personal Note: This drinking game doesn't have to be done with alcoholic beverages, which is very nice for a recovered alcoholic.

Posted by Ron at 10:44 AM
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I have always had my cellular service with Cingular (the new AT&T, whatever name that multi-personality company currently uses).  When an inbound call goes to voice mail, the first thing the caller would always hear is "To page this person, press 5...".  What the heck is that about?  If I wanted to page them, I would have sent a text message!

 

I was playing around with my voicemail settings and found that option to be called cut-thru paging, and it can be turned off. To deactivate this 'feature', once you call your voice mail, use the following options:

     - 4 (personal)

     - 2 (administrative)

     - 7 (cut thru paging)

     - 2 (turn it off)

 

Now, when callers go to my voice mail, they no longer will receive a prompting to page me.

Posted by Ron at 8:16 AM
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Polar Foils is an anagram for April Fools

Posted by Ron at 6:04 AM
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Currently, a BK (below knee) amputee's normal method of wearing a prosthetic leg involves donning (putting on) a liner of some type and then their socket which has a foot at the end of it. This means it takes a little while each morning before getting out of bed or doing anything, unless you hop around on your good leg (which is bad for your sound leg).

There have been advancements in the dental world that has pioneered the implantation of 'studs' into the boney parts of the jaw for attaching dentures for extended wearing. This technology has progressed to where some orthopedic surgeons believe it is possible to do the same thing with lower limb prosthetics.

A team in Europe has experimented with attaching a prosthesis directly into the femur (thigh) bone, which allows the skin to 'grow around' the pylon attachment. The AK (above knee) approach was used as it provided an anchoring into the largest bone in the body.

Enter the US attempt: This method will use an Ertl Bridge attempt as the anchoring location for the internal pylon attachment. (The bridge is the stabilizing link at the bottom of the tibia & fibula) The pylon will be attached by going through the bridge so that it can be secured between the tib/fib as well. Once the pylon and bone work strengthens and the skin heals around the titanium pylon, the prosthetic foot could be permanently affixed to the leg. This would be as close to being 'normal again' as possible for an amputee.

Why do I share this? An 'Ertl amputee' is needed for the initial attempt and I just happen to be an Ertl amputee. I received notification that I have been lucky enough to be selected for this ground-breaking and historical procedure. I have a few more tests to confirm I am a valid candidate for the surgery, but those shouldn't be any problem at all.

From what I have reviewed of the proposed procedure, I believe it should work very well. I will have a good amount of "down time" while I am healing and will have to be in a wheelchair again for several weeks. But if this works, it will be one gigantic leap forward for both the fields of orthopedics and prosthetics. If nothing else, I will get to at least travel and share about this adventure.

The Ertl Procedure was named after the man who designed it: Janos Ertl

The BK bone-implantation procedure I have described above has a peculiar name, of which I am unsure of the exact origin. It is named oddly enough: Polar Foils

Follow-up: Additional information can be found here

Posted by Ron at 1:30 AM
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I'm not an Arkansas Razorback fan ... never have and never will.  But there is at least one Hogs fan that has certainly taken his "fan-ship" to a new level:

 

To be perfectly honest, while I wouldn't want to drive it around, the owner did a really good job transforming the VW Bug into great representation of his school's mascot.

 

The Arkansas Razorback logo (if you didn't already know):

 

A few more images of the RazorBack-Bug can be found here

Posted by Ron at 7:15 AM
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It is rumored that iTunes is in discussions with music companies to offer a deal that would provide buyers of iPods and iPhones, free access to iTunes music library. The way it would work is that Apple would pay the music industry a set fee, $20, for each iPod and iPhone that is purchased, and those new customers would then have unlimited access to download songs. Nokia did a deal like this with Universal Music last year, offering buyers of their MP3 players to download 80 free songs. Rumors have it that at this time it is the price that Apple is offering that is being negotiated.

 

For more information, visit
http://money.cnn.com/news/newsfeeds/articles/newstex/AFX-0013-23882310.htm

Posted by Ron at 2:56 PM
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Last month I posted a video of Steven Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella" (see post).  That song was from the father's perspective of his little girl growing up.  Sarah pointed me to another song, but from the view of 'Prince Charming' (groom-to-be).  The song is titled "Stealing Cinderella" by Chuck Wicks.

 

You can view the video here.

(for some reason I can't get a YouTube embed to work tonight)

 

LYRICS: 

I came to see her daddy for sit down man to man
It wasn't any secret I'd be asking for her hand
I guess that's why he left me waiting in the living room by myself
with at least a dozen pictures of her sitting on a shelf

 

[Chorus;]

She was playing Cinderella
She was riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him

In her eyes I'm Prince Charming
But to him I'm just some fella
riding in and stealing Cinderella

 

I leaned in towards those pictures to get a better look at one
When I heard a voice behind me say "Now, ain't she something, son?"
I said "Yes, she quite a woman" and he just stared at me
Then I realized that in his eyes she would always be

 

Playing Cinderella
Riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
In her eyes i'm Prince Charming
But to him i'm just some fella riding in and stealing Cinderella

 

He slapped me on the shoulder
Then he called her in the room
When she threw her arms around him
That's when I could see it too

 

She was Playing Cinderella
Riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
If he gives me a hard time
I can't blame the fella
I'm the one who's stealing Cinderella

Posted by Ron at 7:05 PM
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Seems like yesterday was a jackpot day for new widgets being found via my RSS feeds!

 

#1 TimeBridge: A free web-based service that allows a person to send meeting invitation options to anyone with an email address.  No need for everyone to be on the same system (Outlook, Google calendar, etc).  The service allows you to provide up to five meeting times and each recipient rates the options as No, Good or Best.  Once all the responses have been received, the meeting is automatically scheduled and a confirmation message is sent to all attendees.  I have lowered the level of automation by having the system send me the answers and then I pick the ultimate date/time.  But, once I pick it, the system then notifies everyone.

 

Timebridge also has an Outlook Connector, so that when I have a meeting request out, all of the times provided as an option are blocked out on my calendar as tentatives.  When the meeting is confirmed, the extra tentatives disappear and the meeting is marked as confirmed.  This should come in handy with trying to coordinate meetings with various departments on campus, while trying to get vendors invited as well.

 

=========================================================

#2 PocketMod: Not for me, but a great item I plan on sharing with non-techy friends and family.  It is a paper-based "PDA" that is highly configurable for each person's needs.  Using a single sheet of paper, you decide up to eight components for the page.  Once you decide, print, fold and cut ... you have an eight page booklet.  There are about 45-50 components to choose from, some with the ability to pre-print standard info on the pages.  (I just wish there was a way to link an Outlook calendar to it)

 

I just re-read the above paragraph.  You really need to visit PocketMod and experience it for yourself.  I didn't do it justice with the above review.

 

=========================================================

#3 EverNote: A single place for all your notes!  Another way to try and keep track of information you find on a day-to-day basis.  I have played with the web version and windows install piece, and actually prefer the presentation method of the web best.

 

In short, when you find something you want to refer to later, select the text (and/or image) on the webpage and click on the toolbar "Clip to Evernote" button.  It is automatically saved to your default notebook within Evernote.  The notebooks are searchable, and the system claims to even have the ability to search for text within images (image of an advertisement, for example).  If I really start using this a lot, I see myself making my default notebook as a catch-all, and then move clips to an appropriate notebook at a later time (gift ideas, DocImage stuff, fun things, etc)

 

You can request a beta demo account here:

http://www.evernote.com/prereg/?c=downloadsquad 

(they have 2000 invites available, no telling how many are left)

 

=========================================================

#4 Give Away of the Day: The newest addition to my sidebar (scroll down to find it)

This is how I actually found out about #3 EverNote!  This site offers free copies (or registration codes) for different types of software on a daily basis.  The offers are only good for 24 hours, so you have to take advantage of it while it lasts. 

 

In reviewing their archives I didn't find that I would want a majority of the software they have offered.  But even just one item every couple of weeks is worth keeping an eye on the site (RSS feeds - gotta love them!)

Posted by Ron at 9:04 AM
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Posted by Ron at 12:54 PM
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This isn't the exact design on the shirt Renee bought me last year for St. Paddy's Day, but the idea is the same.

 

Renee and the girls are on a 'Spring Break' road trip right now.  They are visiting a very close friend of Renee who used to live here, but has since moved.  Them not being here today is really harder than I thought it was going to be, because we always enjoy this day together.

 

To be completely honest, we enjoy being together pretty much all the days of the year, but some more than average.

Posted by Ron at 6:15 PM
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I have posted previously how I used to follow several blogs and web sites, both personal and work related, via Maxthon (review).  I have also shared how a person can open several sites at the same time via IE or Firefox (how-to).  Both of these methods involve visiting each site and then realizing that only a few of them have new posts to read.

 

Besides the fact that I don't waste time visiting sites that don't have new information, I also enjoy the fact I am not bombarded with auto-loading music playlists on various blogs.  I still try to visit the actual websites I follow every couple of weeks to look for new blogroll entries in their sidebars.  Here lately it seems that a good number of blogs owners have decided to add music to automatically start after their site loads.  If I were to be opening only one or two sites, that might not be too much of an issue.  However, when opening about 25-30 sites, having four or five different songs play tends to get annoying.

 

In case you are wondering, the RSS reader I use on my PDA is Newsbreak by Ilium Software.  It is set to automatically check for new posts every five hours.  This way, when I have time to read new posts, I have the new posts available for me.

 

<soapbox>

Note to members of the blogging community: If you find a cool widget to add music to your blog, check and see if it can be configured not to auto-start.  Allow your readers the option to start it themselves if they want.  Or, at least have the widget at the top of the page as opposed to at the bottom

</soapbox>

Posted by Ron at 10:17 PM
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March 14th is always "National Pi Day" Why today? Because today is 3.14, the value of Pi.

 

National Pi Day celebrates Pi, a mathematical concept and a number that never ends .... at least no one has found the end yet. Often, we round it off to 3.14. If you are a mathematician, this is your day. For National Pi Day is a celebration of mathematics. And, more specifically ... it celebrates "Pi".

 

Today is the birthday of physicist Albert Einstein. Einstein was born on March 14, 1879. The date is also represented as 3.14. That strongly suggests some combination of these two facts is why someone created the day on March 14th. Of course, "Pi" was around long before Albert Einstein was born.

---

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin pi.

 

Q: What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A: Cow pi.

 

Q: What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A: Moon pi.

 

Q: What do you get when you take a native Alaskan and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A: Eskimo pi.

 

Q: What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A: Pi in the sky.

 

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?

A: Pi a'la mode.

Posted by Ron at 10:27 PM
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Bob McNichol has been fighting to get his sight back, tooth and … eye?

 

The 57-year-old Irishman was blinded two years ago after an aluminum explosion at a recycling plant, AFP reported Thursday. His sight has been miraculously restored after doctors inserted his son’s tooth in his eye.

 

"I thought that I was going to be blind for the rest of my life," McNichol told RTE state radio, AFP reported.

 

After doctors told McNichol there was nothing more they could do for him, he heard about an offbeat operation called Osteo-Odonto-Keratoprosthesis (OOKP) being performed in England.

 

OOKP, first performed in Italy in the 1960s, involves creating an artificial cornea by using the patient’s tooth and surrounding bone as a support, AFP reported.

McNichol’s son Robert, 23, donated a tooth, its root and part of his jaw for his father’s surgery. McNichol’s right eye socket was rebuilt, and a lens was inserted into a hole drilled in Robert’s tooth. The procedure required two surgeries lasting a total of 15 hours.

 

"It is pretty heavy going," McNichol told RTE state radio. "I have enough sight to get around and I can watch television. I have come out from complete darkness to be able to do simple things.”

 

read it here: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,333555,00.html

Posted by Ron at 6:35 AM
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Have I mentioned that I found a free service to backup my blog on a daily basis?

Oh yeah, I did back on Dec 30, 2007.  As mentioned previously, I use

which, as of yesterday, is no longer in Beta status.  While I am not one to normally repeat my posts, or give double coverage to various online services, I do strongly believe in backing up any data that is deemed the least bit important.  That is why when I found BBO in May 2007, I immediately signed up and started using their free service.  While I haven't made the switch from Blogger to something else, I have tested the ability of BBO to 'republish' my entire blog on other providers (Live, Typepad, etc) and don't remember having any problems with the test.  Considering how I feel about data-loss, maybe that is why I use MS SyncToy to synchronize my desktop & laptop computers to each other, and to create a backup to an external HDD.  This way I have a minimum of three good copies of My Documents, My Photos, and several other data-sets that are critical to my various needs.

 

In regards to a service being in Beta or full-production:  It doesn't seem that being in Beta Version has the same meaning as numerous years ago.  If you were to set the way-back machine to seven or eight years ago, using something in Beta was risky at best, as it was most likely buggy and had the potential for failure.  Most software/service providers have enough 'private beta testing' done so that when the 'public beta' is released it will be a stable product.  Some companies just need to remove the beta classification from their service(s), but I won't mention who....

 

(I have mail going back to June 2004 in my account)

 

Note: In my previous post, I mentioned that I wasn't affiliated with BBO.  That is still true, but as one of the previous beta users who had posted about the service, I was offered a doubling of free-storage.  If you sign-up for BBO and post a blog entry about it, let me know.  I'll see if the President/Founder might extend that offer to you as well.

Posted by Ron at 8:20 AM
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