Friday, December 30, 2005

Follow-up on the sinks

Only one trip to Lowe's and 45 minutes later: No drips
Oh Yeah!
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Thursday, December 29, 2005

Drip, Drip, Drip

What is the likelihood of a house with three sinks to have three faucets start dripping at the same time? With that kind of luck, I should go out an buy lottery tickets instead of seats & springs. But with the luck I actually have, if I did that I would spend the same amount of money, but still have the ever-present sound of dripping (which drives me crazy very quickly).
Lowe's .... here I come!
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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

I haven't said yes or even maybe, but ...

I was just invited to join up with the Amputees Across America trip being planned for this summer. For those of you who remember the possible trans-Atlantic rowing trip (posts 1 & 2) will be glad to hear that I didn't get to far down that road, because I haven't heard anything from the team captain in months, and that venture looks like a bust. However, Amputees Across America is an almost yearly trek, and one that has been completed by an amputee that my surgeon got me in contact with prior to my amputation.

I have already been looking at the itinerary and realize I won't be able to make a commitment for the entire trip, but they plan to be in Oklahoma City on Hope's bday, and have scheduled a day of visitation the following day. I will look into possible sponsorship from the Barr Foundation (the foundation behind the website) and a few others.

I will be approaching this opportunity a lot slower than the rowing one, that's for sure.
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Saturday, December 24, 2005

To " You & yours" from "Me & Mine"

Merry Christmas !!!

(Please don't forget the reason for the season)

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Friday, December 23, 2005

I don't think I'll get this job

Click on image for better view

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Thursday, December 22, 2005

Scott Adams hits too close to home at times


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YEAR: 1981
1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

YEAR: 2005
1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

In the future, if Prince Charles decides to remarry,
SOMEbody please warn the Pope!!!

18Jan2006 Note: Looks like I should have confirmed my sources prior to posting this. No pope in died in 1981. Pope John Paul was shot in 1981, but he lived to a ripe old age. Thanks to Pat for pointing it out to me!
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Monday, December 19, 2005

Just some amputee humor to share:

I would like to wish everyone a Merry Cripmas & a Hoppy New Year!
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Saturday, December 17, 2005

This arrest brought to you by ...

The city council in Oxnard, Calif., has approved a plan to allow advertising space to be sold on city police cars. "We think the public safety vehicle could attract a lot of attention for businesses," the police chief said. Fees for ad space would help pay for the cars. A local newspaper made fun of the plan by suggesting the cars could display the slogan for Taco Bell: "Make a run for the border." (AP)

Hey Brent .... you think that maybe they could get WonderBra to sponsor some of the smaller busts.?
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005


Xmastree3This is a Christmas tree.
It is not a Hanukkah bush,
it is not an Allah plant,
it is not a Holiday hedge.
It is a Christmas tree.

Say it... CHRISTmas , CHRISTmas , CHRISTmas

Yes. CHRISTmas - celebrating the Birth of Jesus Christ!!!!

If this offends you ... too bad ... Get over it.
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

There's a sucker born every minute...

While it has been reported that PT Barnum coined that wonderful phrase, whoever did was entirely correct. Below is proof by way of links to recent Ebay auctions where buyers were to greedy to realize what they were actually bidding on.

Here is a buyer the bid $810 for an empty Xbox 360 box! The very first paragraph of the advertisement reads:
This is the PREMIUM BUNDLE BOX only. It would include bonus accessories, if it were the actual PREMIUM XBOX 360! DOES NOT Come with 20GB Hard Drive, Console, HD Cables, Wireless Controller, Headset! In other words for those of you who do not understand, YES YOU ARE GETTING AN EMPTY BOX SO DO NOT ASK! Great for gags! DO NOT bid if you don't intend to buy! No excuses, I will not retract bids for you! You will be reported to eBay if you backout after winning the auction. I Cannot be more clear!
Visit the actual page by clicking on the image:

And this extremely bright buyer purchased a 4x6 photograph of an Xbox 360 for a mere $715!. While this ad is a little more secretive in it's method, the opening statement of the description, written in red, is:
Please read this auction carefully, and do not bid on this item unless you are serious
about buying it. Don't end up hassling me, and more importantly, hassling yourself!.
In the middle of the following paragraph is
It's sold out everywhere. Every store, including Best Buy, CompUSA, Circuit City, EBgames, and Walmart, is sold out of this newest craze, which would explain why Ebay is now the hottest place to get it! Why not remember this craze with a picture? Up for auction is a 4x6 photograph of the brand-new Microsoft Xbox 360. As a matter of fact, we'll even send this item to you overnight. And you know what's the kicker? We'll give it to you overnight for FREE!
View this wonderful opportunity here:

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Holiday Greetings to you

I wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting to my friends, but itis so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my attorney yesterday, and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, no addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere) and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: no trees were harmed in the sending of this message however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
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Monday, December 12, 2005

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Christmas Present

A man's wife has an artificial leg. Shortly before Christmas, he buys her a new prosthetic and hides it in the closet. Unfortunately, she finds it and confronts him with the artificial limb.

"This wouldn't, by any chance, be my Christmas present, would it?" she asks.

"No, of course not." responds her husband. "It's just a stocking stuffer."
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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Say it ain't so!

What do Walt Disney and A.A.Milne have in common today?  In all likelihood, they are both rolling over in their graves!

Inside-poohWhy?  Christopher Robin is being replaced by a “tomboyish” 6–year-old girl in the 2007 computer-generated series My Friends Tigger and Pooh.  Yes, you read that right, and can read it again here

Disney execs say the idea is to bring an older audience to an iconic franchise born when British author A.A. Milne began musing about the imaginary world of his son, Christopher Robin.  "We got raised eyebrows even in-house at first, but the feeling was these timeless characters really needed a breath of fresh air that only the introduction of someone new could provide," says Nancy Kanter of the Disney Channel.

As Wil Wheaton posted on his blog:
Uh, no. You stupid corporate jerk. Timeless characters do not need "a breath of fresh air" BECAUSE THEY ARE TIMELESS! What the #&*@ is wrong with you people? (be advised … there is swearing on his site … consider yourself warned)

Disney's Kanter says the new cartoon represents not an abandonment of an old, familiar world, but rather an alternate universe for Pooh and his crew.  "Christopher Robin is still out there in the woods, playing," she says. "We hope people will fall for this new tomboyish girl. The last thing we want to be is the ones who brought the franchise down."

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Juggling Boy


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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Error - You have spent too much time on the net

Click on the image to visit the page
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Pin-prayerConvicted forger A. Schiller was serving his time in Sing Sing prison in the late 1800s when guards found him dead in his cell. On his body they found seven regular straight pins whose heads measured the typical 47/1000ths of an inch or 1.17 millimeters in diameter. Under 500 magnification it was found that the tiny etchings seen on the heads of the pins were the words to The Lord's Prayer, which is 65 words and 254 letters long. Of the seven pins, six were silver and one was gold - the gold pin's prayer was flawless and a true masterpiece. Schiller had spent the last 25 years of his life creating the pins, using a tool too small to be seen by the naked eye. It is estimated that it took 1,863 sepatate carving strokes to make it. Schiller went blind because of his artwork.
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Thursday, December 01, 2005

Bad Cop, No Doughnut!

A buddy of mine, a fellow amputee, related the following two days of activities to me yesterday. It was such a great story, I had to share it with all my faithful readers (both of you):

List of characters:
MB: My Buddy
DC: Dumb Cop
Judge: Judge (a judge? this should be good!)

I received this message from MB Tuesday:
Well yesterday I had to work my part time job at a local mall. We all know, this time of year, parking is bad at any mall. Well, yesterday the only spot open was handicap, and I took it. I put my little blue card up. I was getting out of my car, when the local police asked me why I was parking there.
I just told him that I legally could. He asked for my ID, and ran the normal check. Yes, it came back with a clean record. (don't say it.) He then claimed it was not my permit, I just showed him my leg and told him the state of Michigan says I can park there. If he still had a problem, write the ticket and get ready to have fun in court.
Guess what, I came out 4 hours later, and there was a $100.00 ticket on my car. So tomorrow, on my day off, I am going to have my fun in court!
I got this from him yesterday, after he returned from court:
When I arrived, they asked me to come back on the date written on the ticket. I told them I would not be in town. (A small lie, but I was not under oath!) The Judge had the Police Department called, and asked for the Officer to come to his court with the video type.

An hour and half later he shows up. He explained to the Judge, I first went through a red light, then parked in a handicap spot, and that I was not handicapped. We watched the tape showing me making my turn, under a green light. Because of the way he was behind me, the tape did not show me showing him my leg, or my parking card.

Judge: " Are you handicapped, according to the State of Michigan?"
MB: "Yes Sir" I took off my leg and set it on the table.
Judge: "Did you inform the officer"
MB: "Yes, I even showed him my leg"
Judge: "Do you have a handicap plate, or card"
MB: "Yes Sir, I do." I showed the judge my card

Judge: "Officer, the video shows you had no reason to come in contact with MB. MB is, according to every State I have visited, handicap. I am tossing this ticket out. I am Fining the city for this courts time. Further, Not only will you apologize to MB, I am directing a formal apology from the Police Chief and the City, be given in a public forum, within 15 days, from today.
How great would it be to be a fly on the wall when the chief found out about this and had a 'counseling' session with the officer?

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