- You have the bladder capacity of five people.
- You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
- You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.
- Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change.
- You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal.
- You can identify a negative "tattoo to tooth" ratio just by looking at a person.
- You find humor in other people's stupidity.
- You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
- You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.
- You believe that a "shallow gene pool" should be grounds for an arrest.
- You believe that the Government should require a permit to reproduce.
- You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, it sure is quiet around here".
- You believe that chocolate is a food group.
- You have wanted to hold a seminar on "Suicide, getting it right the first time.,
- You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid jury verdict.
- You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably.
- You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a particular bar.
- You believe the dispatcher is possessed.
- You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form.
- You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium salt lick.
- You have heard: "I have no idea how that got there," on more than a few occasions.
- You suddenly realize one night that you are patrolling the Twilight Zone.
- You correlate "two beers" with 0.15 BAC.
- You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car.
- You believe that it is a "good" death only if it involves overtime.
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