Tuesday, September 06, 2005

You might be a cop if:

  1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.
  2. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
  3. You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.
  4. Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change.
  5. You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal.
  6. You can identify a negative "tattoo to tooth" ratio just by looking at a person.
  7. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
  8. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
  9. You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.
  10. You believe that a "shallow gene pool" should be grounds for an arrest.
  11. You believe that the Government should require a permit to reproduce.
  12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, it sure is quiet around here".
  13. You believe that chocolate is a food group.
  14. You have wanted to hold a seminar on "Suicide, getting it right the first time.,
  15. You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid jury verdict.
  16. You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably.
  17. You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a particular bar.
  18. You believe the dispatcher is possessed.
  19. You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form.
  20. You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium salt lick.
  21. You have heard: "I have no idea how that got there," on more than a few occasions.
  22. You suddenly realize one night that you are patrolling the Twilight Zone.
  23. You correlate "two beers" with 0.15 BAC.
  24. You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car.
  25. You believe that it is a "good" death only if it involves overtime.

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