I can do that!

I could dress up just like this ... but I don't have a green suit :-(


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When I saw this, I thought of Renee

When this cartoon showed up on my screen this morning, it instantly made me think of Renee.  I think I should explain:
Renee is a closet Luddite.  Well, closet may be an understatement as she really dislikes the use of the internet and email and has no qualms in sharing that with others.  (She is starting to come around a little with the discovery of Wikipedia, but that is another post within itself).  However, many of her friends are quite computer-literate and used to send Renee emails about this and that.  One friend in particular would send Renee an email and then call an hour or so later to ask her if she has checked her email.  In the amount of time the friend would attempt to share the virtues of email, she could have just as easily provided the information in the email!  (needless to say, many of the friends email the info to me, and I snail-mail it home in my laptop case!).

All that having been said, time for the cartoon:

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George Costanza's 10 Commandments for 'Working Hard'

As borrowed from JumboJoke.com:

1 - Never walk without a document in your hands.
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2 - Use computers to look busy.
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat, and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3 - Keep a messy desk.
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4 - Use voice mail.
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want you to do work for them. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice-mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there -- it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

5 - Look impatient & annoyed.
One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6 - Leave the office late.
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important e-mail at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35 p.m., 7:05 a.m., etc.) and during public holidays.

7 - Use sighing for effect.
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

8 - Opt for the stacking strategy.
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

9 - Build your vocabulary.
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember; they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

10 - Don't get caught.
MOST IMPORTANT: Don't forward this page's URL to your boss by mistake!
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Friday Groaner - 27 Oct

While I don't envision the Friday Groaner to be a weekly installment, I do believe I should limit myself to only posting 'jokes' like these on Fridays. I have been holding onto this one for several days, just waiting for today to arrive so I could share it with all of you:

Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best:
The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had nary a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength---none in the forest dared to challenge him. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature. As the trio debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all: hawk, lion and stinker!

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Where is the surveillance camera in my office?

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An interesting thought not to forget

Received via email:
In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American sentiment and negativity, we should remember England's Prime Minister Tony Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his Parliament members why he believes so much in America, he said:

A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in... And how many want out.

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you:
1. Jesus Christ
2. The American G. I.

One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

You might want to pass this on, as many seem to forget both of them

Personal Notes:

1. If you check Snopes to check that quote, you will find that the above quote to be simular to his actual statement of:
   I sometimes think it is a good rule of thumb to ask of a country: are people trying to get into it or out of it? It's not a bad guide to what sort of country it is.
2. I would add Police and FireFighters to be listed with the American G.I.

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I have two beautiful daughters ...

… but they will never be as beautiful (in the world’s view) as the models on billboards and print ads.  Why? Because those models are photoshopped before being printed.  The world’s perception of beauty is based on people who do not exist!

Watch this 1 minute 14 second video and see how the agency turns an ordinary everyday looking woman into a super model.  The real surprise is toward the end.  If you have a daughter or niece, please make sure she sees this.

(for the record, both my girls are prettier then the final billboard shown below)

(direct link to video if needed)
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Remain?

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Videos posted

With the update of the new web template on my personal web page (http://manna4all.net/tisgarplen), I thought I would add a couple of new items to the “Mental Escape” section. Besides the Games page (which includes SplashBack, Daffy Duck Skydive, Connect Four, Proximity and DiceWars), there are a couple of videos to watch. One is a very cool parody and the other a form of mash-up.

Enjoy!

Note: added Evolution of Dance as well

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Return of the guest blogger

If you remember a few months back, I had a post titled There’s a baby in the house when baby Deacon (and mommy) came to visit the King casa.  Well, guess who’s back?  Yep, you guessed it!  The only guest blogger ever to post content (although it was gibberish) on Tis Gar Plen.  Mommy and Deacon decided to grace us with their presence this week, allowing us to be their host during their ‘vacation’ in Oklahoma.

This is the third picture of Deacon on my blog (forth is below), the first being in the New Baby Announcement and the second in the June entry referenced above.  As mentioned in June, this kid is all muscle, and I’m not talking table muscle.  While he doesn’t have the balance to walk yet, this youngster was pulling up to the standing position several weeks ago and is wanting to start running all over the house.

I found out after they had left for the airport that I had missed a very moving piano recital performed by Deacon earlier in the week.  I wish I had known he was such a virtuoso, as I would have asked him to play a tune or two for me.  Oh well, I’ll have to ask for my own private concert the next time he is in town.

After reviewing the pictures for this entry as well as the June post, it appears Deacon really likes that green sweatshirt and I dress pretty much the same every Saturday morning.  One of the great joys of being a guy … not worrying about wearing the same shirt too often!

Note to Joe, Brent and other possible comment-leavers:
I know it was the pot calling the kettle black by my labelling Deacon’s content gibberish, considering the history of posts I have on this blog  (just thought I would beat all of you to that comment)

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Saskatoon Restaurant

I recently received an email from a friend that shared one of the advertising images of the Saskatoon Restaurant in Greenville, SC.  It was so good, I had to share it here.  Before posting, I visited their web site and found a few additional images to add as well:

  

Not exactly politically correct, but when has that worried me?

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My favorite Super Hero!

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Care to cast a vote?

I have used this forum before to announce an impending upgrade to my personal web site (http://tisgarplen.tux.nu/) and I am about to do it again.

This isn’t a flagrant call for comments, but a genuine request from my on-line friends to share their thoughts about a change I am thinking about.  If you would like to take a few minutes to visit my current site, then review the proposed template change at http://manna4all.net/tgp2 and let me know your thoughts, I would greatly appreciate it.  (note: both links will open in a new browser window)

The program I use for creating web sites allows for quick changes to the overall template of the sites.  If I need to make a few minor changes, such as the images with the bike (side of current site, top of proposed site) that is pretty much all I have to do.  After I copied the files from current to proposed, I spent about 15 minutes to make the minor modifications prior to uploading to the test address.

Thanks in advance to all who provide comments (constructive ones anyways).


Note to all:  Since the original posting of this entry, I have already updated the personal web site.  The first link above has been changed to a screen capture of how the site used to look, and the second link is now pointing to the actual site  (confused yet?)

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Time lapse photo of a plane taking off....

Airliners.net has an incredible time lapse photo of a UPS plane taking off, it looks like a road in the sky... If you visit the site, you should view the large version, as it is simply an incredible photo!
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"In God We Trust" in Ohio

A few months back (July 2006) Ohio governor Bob Taft signed a bill requiring all public and community schools to display donated copies of the national motto, "In God We Trust" and the state motto, "With God, All Things Are Possible". The bill requires public and charter schools using state money to display copies of the mottoes if they are donated for use in classroom, auditorim, or cafeteria. Three federal courts of appeal have upheld displays of the Ten Commandments in public buildings.

I am sure that various groups will begin court proceedings to attempt to strike down this bill, this will be interesting to follow.

Additional details on this can be found here and here
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Cough ... cough ...

The service is ‘smart enough’ to wait for the voice-mail to get to the recording point before playing your message.
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Friday Groaner - 06 Oct

I have a huge meeting regarding my future at my current place of employment in about 45 minutes (translation: what is my worth here?). As a result, I am getting somewhat nervous and having to take my mind off of it. So, I have decided to spend a few minutes to share the following with my faithful readers:

Unable to find a replacement cog for his car engine, Stan, a Datsun owner was told that he would have to go to Japan to get one. He did not want to make the trip for so little, so he decided to buy six dozen extra cogs while in Japan and bring them back to America. Then he would sell them, to help pay for the flight.

On the flight back, there was serious engine trouble and to save fuel the pilot gave orders to jettison all baggage. This meant that all the cogs had to go also.

On the ground below, an elderly couple looked up at the sky. They saw all the baggage falling from the plane. "Look, Sarah," said the old man. "It's raining Datsun cogs."

Hey, don't blame me, I said it was the Friday Groaner!
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Elevator With No Floor? Go Ahead, Step Inside

Sometimes things aren't what they appear to be, and here's a case in point: the floor of this elevator car is painted to give the illusion that there's no floor at all. It's a trompe l'oeil that's realistic enough to convince the roadrunner that there is indeed a tunnel on the side of the mountain, not just a painting by Wile E. Coyote.

The artists sell the illusion really well, too, where there's even a sign warning you there's "work in progress." After a few people walk in, though, you'll be able to see the footprints, and the illusion might not be so convincing. But I'd still like to be the first one to step inside. Images above are linked to larger one for better viewing 

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Aint't that the truth!

Note to Neal:
You didn’t leave any contact info about assisting with the parity bill

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Police Find Meth in Man's Prosthetic Leg

The Associated Press
Sep 28, 2006 4:10 PM

JAY, Okla. - Sheriff's deputies have arrested a Grove man on drug charges after finding crystal methamphetamine inside his prosthetic leg. Larry Clinton Harper, 64, was arrested at his business, Harper's Used Cars and Body Shop, last week.

 

During a search, deputies found drugs inside a sock-like covering inside Harper's prosthetic leg, said Delaware County Sheriff's Capt. Larry Barnett.

 

"They just tumbled out, and he just laughed," Barnett said. "He said he thought he was pulling the wool over our eyes, but we had the last laugh."

 

The arrest followed successful drug buys from Harper's business, Barnett said.

My first two thoughts when I read this report:

1. Oklahoma doesn't have prosthetic parity laws, so he was trying to make enough to buy a new leg

2. I wonder if the police confiscated the leg as a result of the Ricco laws (vehicle used in the transport of drugs)

 

Note: Prosthetic parity laws are ones that require insurance companies to provide appropriate prosthetic care as needed

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Note to Ump...

Hey Ump, when calling a softball game for the Stillwater Parks & Rec department, leave your cell phone in the scorer's hut.

If you must have it in your pocket, have it on silent.

If you must have it on 'loud', either:

   a. Tell your wife not to call, or

   b. Have her ringtone something other than Boomer Sooner!

 

Yep, that's right. In the middle of a game, the Ump's cell phone starts playing the University of Oklahoma fight song. Just as my pitcher released the pitch, the cell phone started. Being it is slow-pitch softball, both the batter and I (I'm the catcher) turn to the Ump and start giving him some major grief. It was so bad, the Ump called 'no pitch' and we had to do that one over.

 

Two side notes:

1. Ump's wife is an OU fan, thus the ring tone

2. One of the outfielders thought the problem at homeplate was due to the Ump passing gas or something. I advised it was much much worse!

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Off the Mark hits it out of the park!

If you don’t visit this site on an almost daily basis, you really should!

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